The Servant's Quarters

A Little Christmas Ritual

There's a little something that I do everyday during the Christmas season, and this year, it's become very important to me. I roll out of bed around 5:30 AM during the week, and I'm out the door before 6:00, heading for the fitness center. The last thing I do before I leave the house is I light the Christmas tree and get the Christmas carol CDs playing on the stereo. All other lights in the downstairs are out. The only illumination comes from the soft, colored lights of the tree and my village display across the fireplace mantle.

The reason I do this is because when the kids stagger downstairs and spend a few minutes dozing on the couch before they start their day, I want the first thing they see to be the tree in all its glory. I want them to hear the Christmas carols. I've done this for a while, but I didn't think it mattered until Phil told me at the beginning of Advent that one of his favorite things to do is to get up early and look at my Christmas village. He likes to imagine the lives of the people who live there as they come alive in his mind and go about their holiday affairs.

It blesses me, too, I have to admit. As I'm ready to leave the house, I take a few seconds and enjoy the atmosphere of the family room. It's like an idyllic Christmas. A Christmas fantasy. The tree, beautiful with it's gorgeous array of lights. The village, lit up on the bookshelf and across the mantle. The fireplace with all of our stockings hung up and waiting for Christmas Eve. Everyday, I'm tempted to just take off my coat, grab a nice, hot cup of coffee, and step into that room. Forget about work. Just cross that threshold and drink in the Christmas ambience. Enjoy the peace and quiet and lose myself in such a joyful place.

But, I have to go to work. As I'm leaving, I promise myself that someday soon when I don't have to go to the office, I'm going to get out of bed early and spend some quality time in the family room.

Right about the time that I step out the back door and get hit by the brisk morning air, reality grabs hold of me. There's no stinkin' way I'm getting up at 5:30 AM on my day off when I can sleep in under my nice, warm covers. Am I nuts or something?

Oh well, it's a nice fantasy.

The Return of Christmas

A little over one week since Ford asked me to take a lot of money in exchange for getting out of Dodge, and I am doing fine. Actually, better than fine. I am feeling incredibly blessed.

To be sure, last week was terrible. I went through so many emotional ups and downs. One minute, I was overwhelmed by the opportunities that might come my way if I took the buyout offer and switched jobs. Maybe even start an entirely new career. The next minute, I was down in the dumps and trying to fight off depression as I thought of the future without the stability of working at a large company (WHAT STABILITY?????), maybe not being able to find a job that paid enough to support my family, and the possibility of transitioning home to being a fulltime homeschooling dad while my wife went back into nursing to be the provider for the family.

At those moments, I felt like shedding a few tears. (And sometimes did.) One particular moment that almost drove me to the edge was when I came home from work and was greeted by Aidan's smiling, loving face. As looked at my beautiful boy, I thought about how much he depended on me and how terrible it would be to come home and tell Rita and the kids that I had been fired.

Last week, I didn't know how I would be able to get through Christmas, let alone to the end of February.

But the grace of God and some good solid prayer has turned so many things around. I realized how much I was NOT trusting God. Sure, I could still lose my job. That could happen at anytime. But He is my provider, not the company I work for. And if I do lose my job, landing me another one is nothing compared to the work He did on the cross to secure my salvation. What's the greater miracle - getting me saved or getting me a job? Then why am I not trusting Him? If I end up as a house husband, is that a greater sacrifice than Christ made for me? Then why am I afraid to make that sacrifice for my family? I'm called to lay down my life for them, so trading my job for fulltime work at home raising the kids sounds like a pretty good deal to me compared to the alternative. What message am I giving God when I fret about my kids and my ability to provide for them? Aren't I saying, "God, I love these kids more than You do because I would never leave them without provision and You would"?

What a tiny, pathetic thing my faith is. He's done so much for me and continues to do so much everyday, and yet I worry that He will one day decide to forget about me and forsake me.

Believe me, any prayers sent my way are sooooooo appreciated. I know that there are any number of areas where I could be tested in the coming weeks that would threaten to beat me down. But for now, I am resting in Him, and He is giving me incredible peace.

Last week, I couldn't see myself making it through Christmas with anything but depression and discouragement. Now, I say - BRING IT ON! I am pumped for an awesome holiday celebration. Far from being a dreary downer, I'm hoping that this will be the greatest Christmas I've ever had!

Finally - The Follow Up

I've tried to post on this a couple of times, but for some reason my stuff isn't going through. I don't know why, and I don't have archived copies of what I said.

In the interests of rehashing something that's been on my mind for days now, I'll keep it brief -

I did get a buyout offer. As expected.

I was "strongly encouraged" to take the offer. (Not just to "consider" taking it.)

It was very upsetting. It shook me up more than I thought it would.

I've spent my time since Monday fluxuating between brief periods of excitement over the fact that I could pocket a load of cash and find another job relatively quickly in some other, more exciting place and somewhat longer periods of upset, depression, and (let's face it) fear over what this will mean to my life, career, and family.

These feelings continued with little interruption until right after work yesterday, when I was suddenly the recipient of that "peace that passeth all understanding." To be sure, I'm still quaking a bit, but God is over all things. He'll take care of this, too.

I think I know what I'm going to do, but I have 45 days from Monday to make it final. PLEASE pray for me that I would be wise. Prayers for a turnaround at Ford would be appreciated, too!

We Don't Want You Here - We'll Pay You to Leave

Today's the day that I've known about and suffered no small amount of anxiety regarding for months. At 1:15 PM EST, I have a 15 minute meeting with the manager of my department to receive my buyout offer. Basically, I'll be given a heap of money to cut my career short, walk out the door, and forget about Ford Motor Company.

If I don't take this offer and the company decides that more employees have to go, I may be facing "involuntary separation." Gee, that sounds like some kind of sports injury or something. What it really means is that I could be fired.

To add to the stress of the day, I'll be sitting with my immediate supervisor at 2:00 PM to receive my performance review for the year. I don't know anyone who enjoys a PR, but I absolutely hate them. Because I never feel like I do a good job, I always expect to be blasted in my review. (I've never actually been raked over the coals in one of these things.)

So today, I am not a happy guy.

I know that God is over all things. I know I can trust Him in all things. I just wish He'd push the fast forward button and move me ahead about six months so I'd know what to do and how it's all going to turn out.

Advent Night

Wednesday night was the second of our weekly Family Advent Nights. This tradition is something that was first introduced to me about 3 years ago by Todd Wilson, the Family Man. (You can view his web pages on Advent Nights at http://familymanweb.com/adventnight.htm.) Todd's ministry is awesome, and I recommend it to every Dad out there who wants to be encouraged in the struggle to raise kids and be a good father.

My preparations for Advent Nights begin prior to Thanksgiving - the baking of the snacks. In our house, it's always been cinnamon rolls. This dates back to the very first time we did Advent Nights. We had just come home from my grandmother's funeral in the wilds of Northern Michigan, and we had brought back some samples of the local cuisine. Like everything else, everything in the upper pennisula is better than we have it here down in the land of the trolls. (Otherwise known as the "lower pennisula.") That includes the cinnamon rolls. Everyone who knows anything about the Keewinaw Bay knows that the greatest sweet rolls in creation are found at the Hilltop Restaurant in L'anse. They're huge - like a loaf of bread. For one person, they are breakfast by themselves. And there'd be plenty to take home. Not knowing that they would start something big, I brought a bunch of those treasures home. When I was looking for a treat to snack on for Advent Night, these were a natural choice. (Since that first year, I've opted for baking my own cinnamon rolls and freezing them before Thanksgiving. It would be nice touch to have rolls from the Hilltop, but shipping costs and the inevitable procrastination in ordering them every year made me decide to just make my own.)

The next thing needed for Advent Night is a wreath of some type. These can be as simple or as elaborate as you'd like. The first year I decided to do this, I found a very simple artificial wreath at a Catholic church supply store. However, after the holidays that year, I found this one at Christian Book Distributors:

http://www.christianbook.com/Christian/Books/product?item_no=11952&netp_id=310467&event=ESRCN&item_code=WW#curr

It is a beautiful piece, very affordable, and the included nativity scene allows us to add a little bit to the celebration. I pretty much follow Todd's plan for Bible readings, but I add figures to the scene to go along with that night's reading. For example, the first week, I added Mary and Joseph for the "Prophecy Candle," as Mary and Joseph both received words from God regarding the roles that they and Jesus would play in history. This week was the "Bethlehem Candle," so in addition to Mary and Joseph, the stable animals made an appearance.

So, here's how the night typically goes - We turn off all of the lights except for the Christmas Tree and my Village Display. We gather around the kitchen table where I've set up the wreath with the figures that have already been added from prior weeks. We have a word of prayer, and I light the number of candles for that week of Advent. Then while the new figures are added to the scene, (One of the kids usually places the figure in or around the wreath.) I explain what the significance of this week's candle is. The Bible reading comes next, and then we go around the table with everyone offering a prayer of petition or thanks to Almighty God. After that, Rita breaks out the cinnamon rolls while I read the Christmas story for that night. I read a story every night to the kids during the Advent season. There are a variety of books that could be used for reading alouds during this time of year. My favorite series is the Christmas in my Heart books, edited by Joe Wheeler. Most of the stories are faith based and all tell a message and a moral about what's really important during the holiday season.

And that's it. It's a lot of fun, pretty simple to do, and I know that the kids really look forward to it. (Christopher especially will ask me at any time of the year - "Is tonight an Advent Night?")

Life's Unexpected Developments

Ah, unpredictability. Tis the spice of life.

Okay, maybe not the spice. Maybe it's more like a really important condiment. Maybe it's the sweet ketchup and the bright yellow mustard on a juicy, thick, half pound cheeseburger.

Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

Cheeseburger....... (pant, pant, pant...)

Anyway, looks like life may be on the verge of dealing us one of those surprises. It's funny how when you think you've planned for everything and have it all under control, the Lord sometimes says, "No, that's not the way that it's going to be." Sound interesting? Well, I'm sorry to have to be so mysterious, but continue watching this page for further details. (For those of you who fancy yourselves as detective types, there is a subtle hint in the title of this post.)

Tonight, the kids are pumped. Why? It's our weekly Advent Night Celebration. What happens during Advent Night? Well, I'll have a full after-action report tomorrow. I'll say now that it's a blast, and every family should do something like it.

T-Minus One Week and Counting

Last Wednesday as I was packing up to leave the office and head home, I got an unexpected meeting invitation for a one on one meeting with an upper level manager in my department. The meeting notice was marked "private." It is scheduled to last only 15 minutes.

It took less than 2 seconds for me to realize what this meeting is going to be about, even though no details about the meeting were provided in the invitation. A quick look at my co-worker's calendars confirmed that they too have brief meetings scheduled with the same manager on the same day. It looks like we're all going to be on the receiving end.

One week from today is going to be the day we receive our voluntary separation buy out offers from the company.

I'm not surprised in the least. We had been prepared by our leaders. We were told that because the company really wanted to avoid having to resort to involuntary separations (or "firings," as they are more popularly known), "the net" was going to be "cast wide." So, I figured that I was going to receive an offer.

That didn't take away from the impact, though. I felt like I had been sucker punched. I stared at my monitor and suddenly realized that I was breathing hard. My heart was pounding. Almost 18 years with Ford, and the company is going to offer me a lump sum to leave. That's not what I thought would happen when I was hired in on January 16, 1989.

Now, I just have to figure out what I'm going to do.

Chemotherapy Liberation Day

Today, Mom receives her last round of chemo. Thank you, Lord, for your faithfulness and provision in bringing her this far. It's hard to believe that it was months ago that this journey started. Now, the end is in sight, although the road still has plenty of bumps ahead.

After today, Mom is going to have to go through the entire battery of tests that she endured when she was first diagnosed. This is a nuisance and a pain, but a necessary step to make sure that the cancer is gone.

After that, she's on to radiation treatments. Five times a week for seven weeks. I'm feeling pretty apprehensive about what that's going to do to her. Fortunately, I know that God will continue to provide. She'll be okay.

But as they say, getting there is half the fun.

We appreciate everyone's prayers.