The Servant's Quarters

Return to Neverland on DVD

Lo and behold, yesterday's mail delivered a pleasant surprise to our household courtesy of an EAP parent who had the foresight to record a Pan rehearsal on her video camera. She sent us a copy of the rehearsal on DVD. What a blessing. Although there were some moments during the event when the actors stepped out of character or something went wrong on stage, the performance is largely intact. This was the final rehearsal for Olivia's cast before their first evening show, so this was about as polished as they got.

It was great seeing Act I again, this time from the the audience's perspective, and the flying looking pretty darn good, if I do say so myself.

An added bonus in the envelope was a recording of last Fall's Suessical rehearsal, Liv's first EAP production. Can't wait to get to that one.

Struggling to Remember Neverland

All right. It happened, just as I knew that it would. The only thing that really surprises me is that it happened so fast.

The profound sadness that I felt at the end of "Peter Pan" is gone. My mind and my emotions have moved onto other things.

Now, don't get me wrong. "Pan" is still a very happy memory for me, without a doubt. I'm still humming the tunes. (It still tugs at my heart strings when I think of the bittersweet lyrics of "Wendy" or "I Won't Grow Up.") I'm just finishing up Barrie's novelization of "Peter Pan." (Olivia finished it over the weekend, and I'm anxious to compare notes with her.) I'm still in touch with other parents trying to track down pictures of the kids.

But my melancoly has faded. That sense of huge loss and saddness is no longer with me. And with it has faded the almost maniacal desire to be with my family 24x7.

Like I said, this is normal and expected.

So, what am I left with? The memory of a commitment that I made under duress to be a better, more attentive father. The recollection of an overpowering desire that I no longer feel to crawl into the world of my kids and spend time with them there, putting off the more adult things that I might rather spend my time doing. A fading feeling of utter fascination with my children and the things that interest them.

Now, don't get me wrong. I'm totally crazy about my children, every one of them. But I've lost a lot of the feelings that I had after that wonderful journey to Neverland last month.

What am I going to do? I'm going to kick in my resolve and try to live up to the commitments I made to myself after "Pan" even if I don't feel like doing them. I'm going to take every opportunity that I possibly can to fellowship with my children. I'm going to jealously seek their attention and society every chance that I get. I'm going to continue to hold any desires and interests that I have apart from my family at bay so that I can spend more time with them. And I'm not going to allow the petering out of my emotional state to determine what kind of husband, father, and man I'm going to be.

And I'm going to look forward to the next production that my kids will be involved in with Ever After Productions. Bring on the Coldstone!

Lessons from Neverland

I want to be a friend to my kids. However, I must never lose sight of the fact that, although I can be friendly with them and laugh with them and play with them, I can never be their friend. I'm their father. That comes before everything else.

It's not about deciding (yet again) that I'm going to put the things that I enjoy on hold so that I can spend more time with my kids. It's about making my kids what I enjoy. Period. If I can achieve that, I will be a much better father.

My body is going to continue to grow old. There's nothing I can do to stop that. I'm going to slow down, grow old, and die. But that doesn't mean that I have to grow up.

Christmas should be a memory that's so happy, it makes you fly.

When your daughter calls you at work and asks you to take her out for some special "Daddy/Livie" time, always say yes. (Olivia supprised me with a request that I take her to the "Miracle Worker" one Friday just before Neverland. We saw this marvelous play and ended the evening with some delicious ice cream at Mickey's. It was a wonderful precursor to our Neverland trip.)

Coldstone Creamery's ice cream isn't that great and is vastly overpriced. But when it's eaten while laughing with three of your children, it's worth it.

School teachers are nice people, but sometimes they get things terribly wrong.

You may grow to love things that you don't like if they are loved by your children.

Emotion will fail you. Decisions that are made based on emotion are tenuous at best. But resolve and determination can last forever.

Food staples at the Village Theater - Wendy's, Little Caesar's Hot N Readys, and Coldstone Creamery Ice Cream.

More than anything else, the Lost Boys just wanted a Mommy. So do we all.

You've got to learn to love the burn.

Peter Pan truly will never grow up. Anthony told me that he does thirty productions of "Peter Pan" every year. Not thirty performances. Thirty separate productions. And that's him alone. ZFX has other flight directors, some of whom may do "Peter Pan" as well. And then there's all of those theater companies who don't hire ZFX. What does this mean? It means that somewhere on any given night, Peter Pan is taking the Darling children to explore Neverland. They are immortal. They will never fade. Thank God.

Random Memories from Neverland

Falling on my wallet the first time I tried to fly a kid

Buying a cookie for Nate

Lunch with Olivia at the Coldstone Creamery (Yes, I am the kewlest Dad in the world)

Going to two different Meijers to buy gloves and Liv's "magical flying underwear"

Isaac recruiting me to work the spotlight (What a great kid!)

Kidding around with Gary Andrews about Jimmy Hoffa

"DIE!" screamed the Lost Boy, as he threw the arrow off stage at Wendy

Molly crashing into the pirate ship during the Pan/Hook fight scene (and Anthony's subsequent "body outline")

Doing the Ooompa Loompa

Mr. Darling, the Drama Queen

Happy Birthday, Ryan! (Now give me a cookie)

Wendy landing and missing her mark (and Anthony dragging her across the stage)

Madeline's Three Stage Plan for World Conquest

Olivia's dress getting stolen

Mike's and Mia's Peter Pan Yearbook Project

Trying Chicken Alfredo Pizza

Josh Kauffman's "magic tricks"

Tinkerbell's jug breaking during the matinee performance, and Dave Anderson replacing it with an identical jug before the next show

Going to the Canton Eagle office to get copies of the paper with Olivia on the front page

Buying and signing a 100th anniversary edition of "Peter Pan and Wendy" as a gift for Olivia

Dave Anderson crashing and needing nine staples in his head. Flying is dangerous work.

Anthony's cell phone going off during the performance

The nest of angry bees above the theater entrance

Reading "The Wounded Land" by Stephen R. Donaldson

Walking to the convenience store down the road with Isaac and noticing the strangeness of not seeing any people around

Anthony talking about his son and the need to get him the best cell phone photo technology

Getting Olivia changed into her nightgown backstage (and the argument that it took to get her to agree to do it)

UGH-REVENGE!

Motrin is my best friend

Olivia walking to the wrong spot during curtain call and almost taking off Molly's arm with her fly line

Buying snacks from Olivia's Fabulous Foods for the entire cast

Christopher's wonder as we toured backstage after the Saturday matinee

Being in awe of the Braun's during intermission ("It's...... THE BRAUNS! I can't believe it!!!!")

Our despair after hearing the orchestra during the dress rehearsals (And our relief that they managed to pull it together shortly thereafter)

Posting advertisements for the play at the Dearborn Public Libraries

Suggesting lines for Patrick Lutz for when Smee is dragged offstage by the Lost Boys (He actually used one!!!)

Mike Petrillo growing up when he wasn't supposed to grow up (%&*!# PUBERTY)

Losing my money clip at the convenience store (Thank goodness it was empty)



Thanks to Emily and the kids for all the amazing fun. "Peter Pan" was a blast.

Pan in the Can

It's over at last. The last item on the Peter Pan agenda has been completed. Last night was the Cast Party for all the kids and their parents.

I've got to admit, it wasn't my thing. The night kicked off with loud kareokee. Something that should generally be avoided at all costs. Even the talent of these young thespians could only make it slightly more bearable. Yikes. And allowing the kids to sing stuff like Madonna and Michael Jackson about made me sick.

Emily Sherman finally showed almost an hour into the thing. One disappointment was that she dispensed with the Mock Awards, something that everyone looks forward to at every party. They're supposed to be posted on Ever After's web site later today.

Instead, she launched into a big trivia contest. Nice idea, but it went on for what seemed like an hour. I was happy when Olivia correctly answered what I thought was a fairly challenging question and won a Tinkerbell toy from the Disney Store

The one thing I will say good about the trivia contest is that the food arrived while the kids were answering questions. This left the adults with a clear shot at eating their fill.

Yup, I'm one selfish guy.

Anyway, the party was cut short for us when Liv came down with some pretty intense stomach cramps. I could tell by looking at her that she was not doing very well. So, we left, missing out on what I heard was an excellent singing performance by Emily.

And that's that. Ever After Production's version of Peter Pan is now completely a memory.

On to Summer Stock and the Fall musical......

Losing Neverland

For two weeks in May, 2006, I found a magical place of eternal youth and joy and freedom. I found a place where all it takes to fly is to think happy thoughts. A place where little boys play forever in a forest populated by Indians and fairies. Where the greatest joy that any of these kids can have is to discover someone called "Mother." Where song and dance happen spontaneously, and you can save a fairy's life by clapping your hands and believing in her.

I didn't go to Neverland willingly or happily. I went with a chip on my shoulder and a desire to get it over with as soon as possible. You see, many important events were going on in my life during those two weeks in May, and Neverland was interrupting them. Even though I wasn't required to spend all my time in Neverland, I still had to stop a lot of what I was doing (previously known as "important stuff") and go to a place that I didn't care to go to and do things that I didn't really want to do.

Let me start at the beginning.

Last January, my daughter, Olivia, auditioned for a role in the musical, "Peter Pan." The play was being put on by the Canton Youth Theater under the auspices of Ever After Productions. (http://www.everafterproductions.org) At the time of the audition, Liv was performing in the same groups production of "Suessical" as a member of the chorus. Although we didn't know it at the time, the audition went better than we could have hoped. We were delighted a few days later to learn that Olivia had landed the part of Michael Darling, a lead in the play. All the kids who were selected were invited by the director, Emily Sherman, to a special lunch at Max & Erma's in order to celebrate the good news. (They didn't know they had been cast until they showed up at the restaurant.) I allowed my wife to take Olivia and have the pleasure of sharing this moment with her. I was a little jealous, but I wasn't really involved in theater anymore. I wasn't terribly interested in "Suessical" beyond the fact that my daughter was in it. And not interested in "Peter Pan," either. The story never appealed to me. A boy in tights who won't grow up sprinkles fairy dust on some English brats and they fly away to have adventures with Indians and pirates. In all my childhood play, Indians and pirates were never big on my list of things I loved. But sigh...... The things we embrace and participate in for our kids.

Right on the heels of "Suessical," the rehearsals for Pan started up. This didn't require us to do anything other than transport Liv (and sometimes her friend Nichole) to the theater or the dance studio at the right times. We did it, sometimes grudgingly as all these rehearsals were really cutting into our family time. Isaac, who was also working on the show backstage, attended the rehearsals as well. We suspected that he really didn't have anything to do and simply wanted to hang with his friends. (We were right.) It was shortly after rehearsals began that we ran into the first sign of trouble.

We knew going in that we would be on the hook to operate Liv's flying harness. (Michael is one of four characters that has to fly during each performance.) Because of liability issues, a parent was required to operate the ropes for their son or daughter. Rita and I decided that we would both attend so that we could switch off the responsibility. The scheduling of the flying rehearsal days could not have been worse. We were both required to be at the theater all day on Mother's Day. We're talking until 9:00 PM. On the Monday and Tuesday after, we were required to be there for four hours in the middle of the day and then all evening for dress rehearsals. (This is called Tech Week, when the final technical touches of the show are all put together, including the flying.) We ultimately decided that it was not feasible to tie both of us up for this extraordinary amount of time. So, I volunteered to do all of the flying chores. It meant that I wouldn't get a chance to sit in the audience and watch the show. I'd have to flex my hours at work to make myself available. I'd have to give up my evenings for two weeks. What a frustrating, maddening situation.

At least, that was my initial reaction. How wrong I was.

Liv and I showed up at the theater on Mother's Day for flying orientation. A fellow named Anthony de la Cruz was onsite from ZFX Flying (http://zfxflying.com) to teach us the ropes. Literally. Anthony had already installed all of the hardware needed for the effects. He was a fantastic guy who really knew how to relate to people. He made everything fun. We later found out how fortunate we were in that Canton had kicked in extra cash to bump up Anthony's time on the production. Initially, we were to get about 12 hours of training from him and nothing more. It would have been like flying boot camp. However, Canton ponied up the additional money to get Anthony's time dedicated to us for two weeks, including all rehearsals and performances. As a result, he was right at our side throughout and operated the Pan ropes himself. I shudder to think of how the performance would have gone if we hadn't had him there running things.

Anthony got a volunteer from the crowd of kids and strapped on a harness. It was immediately apparent how uncomfortable they were. Anthony described the feeling as a "super atomic wedgie." We then worked through the crowd of parents, giving each a chance to fly a child. I made a very ignoble beginning, falling flat on my wallet while pulling the ropes. My backside hurt for three days. In between turns, we got a fairly detailed explanation of how the flying mechanism worked. We also got a "crash course" in how dangerous this work could be if you didn't pay attention. One of the dads was practicing with his daughter in the harness. He made a mistake and grabbed the wrong rope. One that didn't have a child on the end. Jumping down from a ladder to "pop" the child up in the air, he was thrown off balance by the fact that there was no resistance on the end of the rope. He crashed to the ground, lost his balance, and fell backwards into the ladder. He sustained a gash in his head that required a trip to the ER and nine staples.

Truly, the crocodiles weren't the only things you had to look out for in Neverland.

Emily required all of the flying parents to attend rehearsals whether there was flying or not, so that evening, I sat in the house and watched the kids run through the show. I spent most of my time reading my book ("The Wounded Land" by Stephen R. Donaldson) and watching when things got interesting.

The next two days were flying rehearsal in the afternoons and dress rehearsals in the evening. Lots of time practicing the ropes and lots of free time when there was no flying required. I think it was over these days that I realized that something was happening that I didn't expect. I started getting to know the other parents and talking to the kids. I was spending a lot of dedicated time with Liv and more than my usual share of time with Isaac. I was back in the theater, a place that I spent many hours during my formative years and hadn't been back to for a long time. I had a lot of social interaction with a lot of fine people who I found myself liking a lot. I also had considerable free time to spend reading and relaxing.

I was discovering that Neverland was a good place to be.

The show opened Thursday, May 18, and I wasn't there. There were two casts of leads, and Liv's cast was scheduled to perform the following week. The Blue Cast opened the first week, and Rita had volunteered to help backstage. So, I stayed home with the little ones while she, Isaac, and Liv headed for the theater. (Liv couldn't resist being there for opening night, even though she didn't perform.) Chartibly speaking, the show was a train wreck. It was long (almost 3 hours), had numerous, obvious mistakes. and had us all wondering if we were going to be stuck putting a turkey onstage for the next two weeks.

Fortunately, that was the low point. It was almost like a final rehearsal instead of a performance. After that, the cast pulled it together and every show was better than the last. By the time Olivia's first show came around (a school show on Tuesday, May 23), everything was going very well.

I had almost a week before I had anything else scheduled in Neverland, and I realized that I wasn't willing to wait. I wanted more involvement. Now. So, I volunteered to work backstage on Saturday. I was Back Hall/Lounge Security, which gave me a lot of time to interact with the kids. They were all wonderful. Just a fun, eclectic bunch of creative children with whom it was a delight to interact.

Liv's school show was my first time running the ropes in a week. I worried that I had forgotten everything I learned. But when the time came, I did it. It all came back to me, and the flying sequences went off without a hitch, for the most part. I was very happy to be a part of a real theater production, and I found that elements of the show that had previously turned me off (the songs, the character of Pan, the pirates and Indians) were starting to grow on me.

Fast forward - The performances came and went. It was a successful run of a very well produced youth theater production.

Sunday afternoon at around 5:30 PM, Ever After Production's "Peter Pan" became a thing of the past. We all stood on stage, and Emily thanked us. She even presented the flying parents with a gift for their dedication - a metal bookmark shaped in the word, "believe." As she handed it to me, she said, "Believe, Tim!" I do Emily, I thought. I wanted to clap my hands and say, "I believe!!!!"

I knew that it was coming. Despite the fact that I enjoyed the production much more than I thought I would, I believed that I would be prepared and ready to leave it behind.

Chalk that up to not being one of my better moments of self-awareness.

Isaac volunteered to hang around and work on striking the set. Liv, two of her friends and I got in the car and headed for home.

It was over. The trips to the Village Theater. The rehearsals. The visits to Coldstone Creamery. The fellowship with the kids in the cast and the other parents. Watching Act I from backstage while waiting for my turn to fly "Michael." Kidding with Anthony in the wings. The junk food. And most importantly, my exclusive, dedicated time with my daughter, Olivia.

All of it had slipped through my fingers.

I had lost Neverland. While I sat at home and tried to take stock of what had escaped me, my son was working backstage at the theater disassembling the sets that had become so precious to me during the previous two weeks. I struggled to come to grips with it. The knowledge of the performance was still alive and well in the heads of the actors. They were at the prime of their abilities. The parents knew how to operate the ropes as well as they ever have. The backstage techs could have stepped back into a performance anytime.

But it would never happen again.

I went back to the theater to pick up Isaac that evening. I asked Olivia if she wanted to come. She agreed, and if she hadn't, I probably would have begged her. After two weeks of being together so much of the time, we no longer had any reason to be with each other. The bond of "Peter Pan" was broken. And thinking about the fact that I had taken my Ever After fellowship with her for granted until it was in the past brought a golf ball to my throat and tears to my eyes. As we drove, I wanted to ask God to hit the rewind button and give me the past two weeks back to enjoy again.

We arrived at the theater to find Isaac and the rest of the crew breaking down the Neverland sets. The Lost Boys' underground and its ramp were being taken apart before our eyes. The Darling's nursery, that wonderful place where Olivia said, "Christmas," and rose into the air on her first flight, was already a thing of the past. The huge window that Peter flew through to meet the Darlings and entice them to Neverland was in pieces in a corner. The pirate ship was still relatively untouched off to one side. Isaac told me that ZFX was possibly interested in purchasing it from us. (I later found out that they only bought the crow's nest. The rest of the ship was skuttled.) I walked across the stage to the ropes where the parents had worked to allow their children to ride on the wind. They were still there, and I held them in my hands one more time. And I remembered.

Beyond my memory and photographs, Neverland didn't exist anymore.

The physicality of Neverland was fading fast. Big pieces of it were already gone, and the rest was hours away from being lost forever. There was nothing I could do about it. Even if I clapped my hands and wished, I couldn't stop it from ending. The characters had retreated back inside the children who had played them. Peter had beaten Captain Hook again, and it was time to grow up.

In the days that followed, my meloncoly has stayed with me. It's just now starting to let up a bit, but humming the songs still makes me sad. I've tried to hold onto Olivia, looking for opportunities to spend time with her. I miss being with her so much. When we went to dog training on Tuesday night, I made an unannounced stop at Baskin Robbins for ice cream. We each had 1 scope for which I shelled out $4.00. That's way too expensive, but I consoled myself by remembering that it wasn't ice cream I was paying for. It was time with my beloved daughter. However, I have 5 other children, and while she and I will always have opportunities to get away by ourselves (like dog training class), I must love on ALL of my children. I can't let nostalgia for a play and the fun that I had doing it get in the way. They all deserve an equal share of my time.

So, I've made some changes. I've made some commitments. Neverland is no longer in a place called the Village Theater. It's in my memory and in my heart. And when the sadness of "Peter Pan" fades away and life returns to the normal emotional highs and lows, I pray to God that I will carry forward on those commitments. I learned some things about how precious children are. How their world contains unexpected pleasures. How their activities are worthy of my participation. How so much of what I do beyond my kids is so meaningless. How I can't stop them from growing up, but while I have them, I need to appreciate them, encourage them, and spend time with them.

More later on the lessons of Neverland. Suffice it to say now that I love "Peter Pan." It will always have a place in my heart as a cherished story. And I'll never forget Liv's performance and Isaac's dedication at bringing it to life on the stage. Well done, my beautiful children.

Neverland, that wonderful place that's "second star to the right and straight on til morning," will always be the "home of youth and joy and liberty." Forever.