The Servant's Quarters

Struggling to Remember Neverland

All right. It happened, just as I knew that it would. The only thing that really surprises me is that it happened so fast.

The profound sadness that I felt at the end of "Peter Pan" is gone. My mind and my emotions have moved onto other things.

Now, don't get me wrong. "Pan" is still a very happy memory for me, without a doubt. I'm still humming the tunes. (It still tugs at my heart strings when I think of the bittersweet lyrics of "Wendy" or "I Won't Grow Up.") I'm just finishing up Barrie's novelization of "Peter Pan." (Olivia finished it over the weekend, and I'm anxious to compare notes with her.) I'm still in touch with other parents trying to track down pictures of the kids.

But my melancoly has faded. That sense of huge loss and saddness is no longer with me. And with it has faded the almost maniacal desire to be with my family 24x7.

Like I said, this is normal and expected.

So, what am I left with? The memory of a commitment that I made under duress to be a better, more attentive father. The recollection of an overpowering desire that I no longer feel to crawl into the world of my kids and spend time with them there, putting off the more adult things that I might rather spend my time doing. A fading feeling of utter fascination with my children and the things that interest them.

Now, don't get me wrong. I'm totally crazy about my children, every one of them. But I've lost a lot of the feelings that I had after that wonderful journey to Neverland last month.

What am I going to do? I'm going to kick in my resolve and try to live up to the commitments I made to myself after "Pan" even if I don't feel like doing them. I'm going to take every opportunity that I possibly can to fellowship with my children. I'm going to jealously seek their attention and society every chance that I get. I'm going to continue to hold any desires and interests that I have apart from my family at bay so that I can spend more time with them. And I'm not going to allow the petering out of my emotional state to determine what kind of husband, father, and man I'm going to be.

And I'm going to look forward to the next production that my kids will be involved in with Ever After Productions. Bring on the Coldstone!