The Servant's Quarters

The Return of Christmas

To be sure, last week was terrible. I went through so many emotional ups and downs. One minute, I was overwhelmed by the opportunities that might come my way if I took the buyout offer and switched jobs. Maybe even start an entirely new career. The next minute, I was down in the dumps and trying to fight off depression as I thought of the future without the stability of working at a large company (WHAT STABILITY?????), maybe not being able to find a job that paid enough to support my family, and the possibility of transitioning home to being a fulltime homeschooling dad while my wife went back into nursing to be the provider for the family.

At those moments, I felt like shedding a few tears. (And sometimes did.) One particular moment that almost drove me to the edge was when I came home from work and was greeted by Aidan's smiling, loving face. As looked at my beautiful boy, I thought about how much he depended on me and how terrible it would be to come home and tell Rita and the kids that I had been fired.

Last week, I didn't know how I would be able to get through Christmas, let alone to the end of February.

But the grace of God and some good solid prayer has turned so many things around. I realized how much I was NOT trusting God. Sure, I could still lose my job. That could happen at anytime. But He is my provider, not the company I work for. And if I do lose my job, landing me another one is nothing compared to the work He did on the cross to secure my salvation. What's the greater miracle - getting me saved or getting me a job? Then why am I not trusting Him? If I end up as a house husband, is that a greater sacrifice than Christ made for me? Then why am I afraid to make that sacrifice for my family? I'm called to lay down my life for them, so trading my job for fulltime work at home raising the kids sounds like a pretty good deal to me compared to the alternative. What message am I giving God when I fret about my kids and my ability to provide for them? Aren't I saying, "God, I love these kids more than You do because I would never leave them without provision and You would"?

What a tiny, pathetic thing my faith is. He's done so much for me and continues to do so much everyday, and yet I worry that He will one day decide to forget about me and forsake me.

Believe me, any prayers sent my way are sooooooo appreciated. I know that there are any number of areas where I could be tested in the coming weeks that would threaten to beat me down. But for now, I am resting in Him, and He is giving me incredible peace.

Last week, I couldn't see myself making it through Christmas with anything but depression and discouragement. Now, I say - BRING IT ON! I am pumped for an awesome holiday celebration. Far from being a dreary downer, I'm hoping that this will be the greatest Christmas I've ever had!

# posted by Tim @ 9:19 AM