The Servant's Quarters

I sometimes wonder who the worst father in the world is. In some empirical sense, there must be one. There has to be someone who is such a mean, cruel idiot that he has no consideration of the well-being of his kids, thinking only of himself. If you look long enough and hard enough, eventually you would have to find someone who qualifies as the least skilled, least sensitive, least loving man towards his children.

Now, I've never seen him, and I have no idea who he is. That is, I HAD no idea who he is until he showed up at my parent's house the other night for their Homeschool Unit End Celebration. I'd like to say that he's truly my evil twin who knocked me out, tied me up, and took my place for the evening. But I can't. It was all me.

I came home from work on Wednesday a bit preoccupied but excited about the prospect of seeing my children reveal their staggering reservoirs of knowledge that had accumulated over the previous weeks. However, I do recall being slightly anxious about the length of the evening. This celebration was going to cover 18 weeks of school. That's a lot of fancy book larnin'. My anxiety blossomed into outright irritation when I saw the pile of costumes, school books, art projects, term papers, etc. that would have to be moved over to the parents' house for the evening's festivities. Ugh. My mood was getting worse by the second. In addition, for some inexplicable reason, I started to feel really tired and desperate for sleep.

We made it over there, and the evening began. The kids shared the books they had read, maps they had drawn, and showed off their craft projects. Two skits were performed. It was while all of this was going on that I encountered the proverbial straw that broke the camel's back. Isaac and Philip, perhaps due to the stress of having to recite in front of others their understanding of Ancient Greece, the Mayans, Confucious, and the culture of Israel during Bible times, lapsed into a mood of absolute silliness and lost it with a bunch of distracting gags, laughs, and cutting up. I was furious. I took Isaac aside and snapped at him mercilessly. I rolled my eyes at Philip and snapped at him to "CUT IT OUT!"

My foul mood went over the edge.

Rita kept on a brave front, but by the time we managed to roll into the driveway back home, I had begun to realize the magnitude of my evil ways. As she (quite rightly) pointed out, I had totally failed to give the kids any positive reinforcement for their excellent work during the school year to date. Further, what I had completely missed was that this was her big night. Her time of validation when she was going to show off her star pupils and the amazing feats they had accomplished during the very challenging previous months.

All she got from her husband was a bunch of eye rolling, snapping, bad temper, impatience, and NO AFFIRMATION. When we got home, she made sure that I understood the message that I had sent loud and clear - I didn't value any of the hard work she had done since September.

And she was right. Despite the fact that I think she's the best homeschooling Mom in the world, that was the message that I had sent loud and clear.

What a moron.

As a Christian Dad, I should never allow my moods to dictate my behavior. It's called self-control, and it should be something that I practice on a daily basis. No matter how I feel at any given moment, I should be able to provide my family with love and support, especially during such an important occasion as this one was.

Ugh.

Well, fortunately, there is forgiveness. Rita was justifiably hurt, but she's a very loving and forgiving lady. Things are already moving back towards normal, but it's been a long time since I messed up THIS bad. If my relationship with my wife was a bank account, it would definitely be overdrawn right now. Looks like I'm going to be spending my time for a while making some regular deposits to get the balance back up where it needs to be.

But then, as a husband, that's what I should be doing all the time anyway!