The Servant's Quarters

The Big Chill

"Because," I answered. "God made it that way. He made it so that furnaces would break in the winter and air conditioners would break in the summer."

Yesterday morning, we were a couple of days into an intense arctic cold spell. I thought I saw on the news that some areas of Michigan had gotten to 45 below zero. I'm sure that in our area, we were in the neighborhood of 10 below. Really bitter, bitter cold. I got up at my usual time, about 5:00 AM. The house was cold, as you would expect. The furnace was running, and Rita managed to wake up long enough to ask if the heat was turned up or if the house was so cold that the furnace was just trying to keep us heated to the point that I dial down to at night.

"The heat's not up yet," I answered. "It's cold enough to click on the heat even when it's dialed down."

I went downstairs, started the car, got all my stuff ready, and went for my coffee.

No sugar in the sugar bowl.

So, I went downstairs to our pantry to refill it. While down there, I noted that the furnace sounded... funny. But I couldn't deal with that now.

Going back upstairs, I put down the sugar and went to check the thermostat. FIFTY-EIGHT DEGREES????

But... but... but...

It's set to 60 degrees. It couldn't go below 60! I ran back downstairs and checked the furnace. It was still running, but it was stone cold. I opened up the panels and looked inside. Like any man who has no idea what he's doing, I desperately tried to fake the furnace out. I wiggled wires. I found a switch that I turned on and off a few times.

Nothing.

As a last resort, I did what every man does when confronted by a situation that scares him, confuses him, and frustrates him - I went and woke up my wife.

Rita came downstairs and watched while I wiggled and switched again. Still nothing. I made the decision that strikes fear into the heart of any consumer of heating and cooling services - I had to call the repairman.

From the upstairs bedroom, I heard my wallet scream.

While I looked up the phone number for the only heating and cooling company that we use, Rita decided to move all the junk that had accumulated around the furnace so that the fix it guy could get to the machine without climbing over a mountain of stuff. But once she started, she couldn't stop. By the time I came back down, she had cleaned the entire basement. (That's not a joke. She really did.)

Family Heating and Cooling has no emergency service and doesn't publish their service hours. Just on the outside chance that someone was in the office, I called. That was at about 6:00 AM. Nothing. So, Rita and I went into the family room and turned on the TV. We watched the dregs of early morning television, including The Life of Olivia Newton-John on E!'s True Hollywood Story.

And we waited.

We didn't go back up to bed in part, I think, because we were afraid if we fell asleep now, we'd freeze to death. Things continued to go from bad to worse. I called into work and told my boss I would be late. I turned on the fireplace before remembering that gas logs without a blower throw off about as much heat as a paper match. After several attempts, I finally got the dog to lay on my ice cold feet. Then I realized that I had to go to the bathroom, so I kicked him off me again. Kids started trickling downstairs, only to scurry under a blanket when told of our calamity. Pretty soon, the room was filled with a mob of children who were hoping against hope that our lack of heat would mean no school. Maybe it was the boredom and the cold, but my mind began to obsess about issues of mortality. Would we freeze to death only to be found days later when we failed to show up at Sunday morning service? Or would we lapse into suspended animation, only to be revived hundreds of years in the future, trapped in a mad futuristic world we had never made????

I finally got through to Family H & C, and I immediately played the kid card.

"I need help. My furnace broke during the night. I've got six children here, and we're freezing." I didn't finish that sentence with "to death," but I'm sure those words were heavily implied. An appointment was set up for later in the morning. Staying wrapped in our blankets, we shuffled to the kitchen for breakfast.

While we were eating, Rita and I hatched a plan that would allow for homeschool to continue. (The kids were delighted!) She would take them all up to our church, while the dog and I would wait for the repairman.

This would work.

Later, the Family Heating and Cooling truck pulled in while the family van was just pulling out. Out popped this huge, beefy kid who looked about as old as my 15-year-old. Ten minutes and $150 later, the furnance was humming away and pumping out glorious heat.

Bad igniter.

Sweet.

The troops stayed up at the church for most of the day to give the house time to warm up. The dog resumed his full time job of laying on the floor and licking himself. I got showered (brrrrrrrrrr) and headed into work.

And all was right with the world once again. (Except for my wallet.)

# posted by Tim @ 3:14 PM