The Servant's Quarters

An Amazing Discovery on Olivia's Birthday

Today, the Butler's celebrated Liv's 13th birthday. Her special day is actually on Saturday, but since we don't like crowds and I'm always on the look out for an excuse to take a vacation day, we moved it to today.

We started with the typical - breakfast with Dad at the little cafe down the street from our house. I was a good boy, ordering oatmeal, dry whole wheat toast, and milk. Liv plunged into an order of french toast, which I fully expected to be able to help her finish. (You couldn't expect me to be satisfied with oatmeal, right?) Unfortunately, she finished all of her food without a scrap for me. Man, this girl has suddenly started eating like a teenager.

Wait.....

Anyway, Liv chose to spend her birthday at COSI, the wonderful science museum in Toledo. We had a great time, and everyone was happy with their visit. Home again for dinner (pork chops), homemade ice cream cake, and presents. A great ending to our day.

What did we learn at COSI, mecca of scientific education? Plenty. For one thing, I learned that the PCs in the Water Works section are not locked down, and it's possible to take a monitor that's intended to educate young visitors about the dangers of global warming (what a waste of computing power) and the threatened extinction of some beautiful animals and use it to check the Drudge Report. What a triumph for science!

But most importantly, I learned that Tim Butler is one seriously good looking man.

Sort of.

You see, in one part of the museum, there was this special camera that took pictures of your face. It had three monitors on its console - one that showed the unaltered picture taken by the camera, one that showed a composite picture of what you would look like if your whole face was composed of the left half of your face, and a composite picture of what you would look like if both sides were the same as the right side of your face. Nobody's face is perfectly symmetrical, and this camera showed you what you would look like if it were from both the right and left perspectives.

I was absolutely amazed by the results.

The picture that was built exclusively from the left side of my face was..... incredibly good looking. I couldn't believe it. We're talking George Clooney good looking. We're talking sexiest man alive. It was truly shocking.

The right-sided face was.... not shocking or good looking. When I looked at him, I was sort of staring at a big, dopey broad shouldered guy who frankly seemed a little challenged. He looked like the kind of guy who likes to pass the time crushing beer cans against his forehead while watching Lions football. Like a big, stupid, spud man. Not very sophisticated, while his counterpart looked dashing, worldly, and sophisticated. He was a guy who would order a martini (shaken not stirred) while he was on his way to kill the human spud in the next picture.

Butler. Left-Faced Butler.

Now, the real shocker - I don't know why this is, but when I looked at spud man, I could see..... ME. Granted, it wasn't a perfect match, but I could definitely recognize myself there. No doubt about it. Spud man was Tim Butler. The other guy I would not have recognized at all if I come face to face with him on the street. There didn't seem anything about him that suggested a resemblance to the man whose face he was based on.

I can't explain this. I would have thought that both faces, while being different, would have been close to how I look. But that was clearly not the reality. I can only guess that since I'm right handed, maybe the right side of my face is dominant??? That's weird, but I can't think of another reason.

You know, I've never been extremely vain, but I do find myself wondering,"God, couldn't you have made me a lefty?"